are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize