So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
