I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize