bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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