I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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