Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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