We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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