my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
