he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
