Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
