plz talk dirty to me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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