I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
