cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
