Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
