Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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