How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
