I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
