How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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