Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize