I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This baby is an asshole
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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