so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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