I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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