I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
