I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
