We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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