Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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