We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
