Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
