trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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