I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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