I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
