I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
