ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
