we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im just a social blackout drinker.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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