Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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