Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
