Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
