But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
