I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
