Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
