do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
