You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i dont even know how to be here
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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