he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
