I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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