i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
