i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
