I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
