This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize