They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize