Where did you get a picture of my penis
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
