She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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