Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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