I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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