As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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