Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
