She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
