Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
