you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
