I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
