she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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