Im at strip club and am horny
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
