Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
