using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
