PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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