You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
