So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
