so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
