After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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