I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love having hate sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
