i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
