i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
